Monday, August 30, 2010

Golgo Banana Showdown 3 - Complete Report

La version française a été publiée plus tôt ici.


This is where I slept the night before the Golgo Banana Showdown.

Round 1
On Golgo Island, all was well. Oh, of course, there was some casual fighting, but nothing exceptional, just the usual quarrels you would expect.

In the jungle, a group of Denisorix-hunting adventurers (the Denisorix is a little cowardly bird that is sought for its reportedly aphrodisiac guano) are setting foot in the territory of a tribe of giant six-limbed-ape taming zombie pygmies.

Pierre-Christophe's tribe, which is very fond of that "serpent-growing" guano, doesn't approve of that intrusion either.

For some reason, a party of stupid idiots was also here.

Naturally, it's the guys who had nothing to do there who end up in control of the area. They must be professionals.

Meanwhile in Golgoville, the Venomous Puddle gang has just received a huge stock of dope that they are about to sniff, just to make sure that it's all good stuff - especially at the bottom of the bags.

But naturally, the white powder attracts the usual suspects...

After fighting off yakuzas, Elvises and Dr West and his family of degenerate drug addict creatures, the commies finally get hold of the opium of the people.

Round 2

As a consequence of the euphoria generated by the mass consumption of drugs, the communist troops decide to throw off president N'Golo and launch an assault on the presidential palace. Revolution marches on Golgo Island, and it smells of vodka and cocaine!

The unexpected thing is some strange towel-headed cultists are already storming the palace - and the drugged putschists get ambushed.

As a bonus, it appears that President N'Golo has hired those new elite mercenaries who were recently remarked for their feats in the Golgo Island jungle.

Saved at the last second from the communist peril, the president entrusts them with a classified secret, and a highly perilous mission: Golgo Island is threatened by the return of Amidméphès, a millenia old radioactive totenkopf mummy from outer space whose cosmic pyramid has recently emerged from the sands in the north western desert. He is a menace for the entire world - a menace that only the bravest heroes can neutralise. Naturally, they accept the mission on the spot and are immediately sent to Amidméphès' secret lair.

Meanwhile, all over the island, the most precious treasures seem to have disappeared!
By the miracles of extraterrestrial radioactive totenkopf alchemic science, those treasures are to be synthesized to compose the rejuvenation potion that will completely restore Amidméphès's youth and power, and enable him to conquer the entire universe.

Gangsters, pop musicians, savage tribes, worshippers, scientists... All those who had something even vaguely precious were robbed while they were out for a fight.
They immediately head to the few people in the island who could give them information that might help them recover their goods: Irma the seer, and Madam Psiletta the greedy, the whore who centralises all the pillow talk on the island.

Round 3
Thanks to the precious information they gathered, the zombie pygmies and their ferocious 6-limbed apes find the secret place where the mortal servants of the totenkopf radioactive mummy had hidden the latest treasures they robbed; after fighting off the gang of angry Elvises, they get hold of them but unfortunately, their precious jade banana isn't there.

Meanwhile, others had decided they would go for the source of all that mess and find the dishonest cultist thieves, and exert a merciless vendetta upon them. To that purpose, they head to some ancient stones covered in strange alien writings that would reveal the secret of Amidméphès' cosmic pyramid to whoever manages to decypher them.

After an exhausting fight, the hangovered commies managed to decypher the code and gain direct access to the inside of the pyramid.

Round 4
To gain that privilege, others have to resolve the riddle of the 4 pillars - a complex system of ancient switches designed to open the pyramid's door. Unfortunately, the infamous Amidméphès has in the meantime used his necromantic powers to summon an army of mummies to defend the surroundings - and while he was at it, he also raised the dead all over the island!

The gate finally opens in front of the Elvises - but delayed by the sandmen and a group of cthulhu worshippers, they are preceded by Dr West and his abominable creatures.

Panics spreads across the island. The dead hunt the living to feast upon their brains, and everyone is looking for the quickest way out. The John Robertson Airport is litterally assaulted by survivors - there is only one plane remaining, and there won't be seats for everyone.

The bearded ladies are quickly overcome by the zombie tide.

while the nazi iron man gets into the plane and takes the last seat next to a Denisorix guano hunter.

Round 5

But the airplane cannot break out of the supernatural storm that has engulfed the area, and it soon crashes on a small nearby island - Gulgu Island, the exclusive territory of the dreaded Boar King.

Soon, the first boat people join them on Gulgu Island, and they aren't welcome either.

"What the hell is that? No way I'm leaving my chair"

Despite the loss of their iron man, who was devoured by swines in a phone cab, the nazis finally conquer the island - they now only aspire to peace, harmony, comprehension and forgiveness in a new society set in this nearly-unsoiled place.

On Golgo Island, the final ultimate and definitive fight for freedom is about to take place.
The Elvises are following Dr West in the bosom of the pyramid. Much to their surprise, they discover that what they thought was a mere pyramid was actually just the tip of a gigantic pyramidal spacecraft designed by a superior alien intelligence and buried in the sand for millenia.
Inside, they notice that the commies and President N'Golo's special agents were already there and - yet another incredible suprise - they spot, in the middle of a huge hall...
Another pyramid in the pyramid!
A sort of russian pyramid, so to speak - the kind of amazing discovery that will question all past archeological theories and revolutionise egyptology and History forever!

From his ancient tomb, Amidméphès the dreaded radioactive totenkopf space mummy finally emerges.

Probably distracted by Herbert Junior's familiar face, Amidméphès is knocked out by the chemical monster.

But in the end, the bearers of the revolutionary ideal triumph by mercilessly crushing the West family inside of the russian pyramid - another proof that there is a fate, and that it has ways that are even sillier than one could imagine.


1 comment:

  1. Hi, would you mind telling me where you got those Sphinx's from please ? they look like perfect accessories for a Tomb Kings army !


    BTW, your blog is a very interesting read, thanks for sharing,

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